Darker
by Andi-Lynne
Summary: Post First Date. Buffy is turned, and now has a different option to think about in the impending appocolypse. *Now Complete!!!*
1. Part 1

Darker  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Rating: R; but for now PG-13  
  
Summary: Buffy is turned; but unlike some other fics, she doesn't have a soul. (Semi-Character death)  
  
Spoilers: Season 7 after First Date. 'Twill turn AU (Obviously).  
  
A/N: This is my first actual Buffy-realm fic; the others that I have done were fantasy or lists. This is also my first semi-angsty piece. I like all reviews, good and bad. Lots of love,  
  
Andi  
  
Prologue  
  
This was it. Her one-way ticket to Hell. Not like she wanted to board that train, but she was too tired to do anything about it.  
  
The fangs broke through her blemished neck. She guessed she had just had too many chances. As the blood rushed out of her jugular, she looked up into the face of her captor.  
  
He was a young vamp; judging by the clothes he wore he looked to be no more than 20 years old.  
  
She had to think. Get out of the vampire's death grip. But she couldn't. She was too run down, what with the First and training the endless SIT's and all. Too weak.  
  
What irony it held, the Slayer turning into a vampire herself. The darkness around her began to consume her.  
  
She blearily saw a slit wrist making its way to her mouth. She wasn't strong enough to fight back. She drank down the dark-red blood with a deep disgust in herself. She should have tried. Even just screamed. As she hit the ground, a broken sob from across the graveyard sounded, but she was to far gone to notice.  
  
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A/N: I promise to update soon, as the next chapter's already done. Just tell me if you want it.  
  
Andi 


	2. Part 2

Part Two  
  
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Spike saw her fall from across the cemetery, and raced over and dusted the vamp before he even knew what happened.  
  
He picked up Buffy and felt for her pulse, knowing instinctively that it wouldn't be there. He had seen the young vampire turn her.  
  
Spike picked up her limp body and carried her towards the house; all the while tear-tracks sliding down his face.  
  
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When he opened the front door, he was met with the faces of the Scoobies and SIT's, going from curious to shocked to a look of realization drenched in horror. Spikes' own face remained passive, but still tears rushed down his cheeks. As he walked up the steps, he spoke one word; "Turned."  
  
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Spike laid Buffy on her bed, the one that had once been her mothers'. Two people who had slept in that bed were now dead-or almost dead-and Spike was beginning to believe that the bed was cursed.  
  
He lay down beside her and wrapped his arms around her back, barely stifling a sob. The tears were now coming in waves, and he had no intention of holding them back.  
  
Dawn walked into the room and sat down in the chair.  
  
"Will she have a soul?" She asked.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"If she doesn't, will you stake her?" She asked quietly.  
  
Spike looked up at her with a shocked look on his face. "You would actually ask me to do that?" He asked, disgust lacing his words.  
  
"No." Dawn looked down at her feet. Spike regretted his words, and held out his arms for her, of which she readily complied, slipping in on the other side of him so that Spike was in the middle.  
  
"I'm so sorry I didn't get there soon enough." Spike trailed off and elapsed back into sobs.  
  
"Hey, it's not your fault. She wouldn't want you to think that." Dawn suddenly broke down in tears herself.  
  
"I didn't even-maybe we could curse her, like the curse Angel had?" She cried.  
  
"I don't know, Nibblet, I just don't know."  
  
They fell asleep wrapped around each other.  
  
.....................................................  
  
Buffy woke up with a startling ache in her stomach. She was surprised; she thought she had convinced herself not to be hungry long ago.  
  
The next thing she noticed were the two bodies beside her. She looked to find that it was Dawn and Spike.  
  
The third thing she noticed was that she wasn't breathing, and that she didn't feel hot or cold, just neutral.  
  
Buffy started to get an evil look on her face. She slowly turned to face Spike and put her mouth up to his ear.  
  
"Oh, Spiiikkkeee." She whispered, "Wakey, wakey." She then sucked his earlobe into her mouth.  
  
Spike's eyelids fluttered open at the touch, and came face to face with a fully vamped out Buffy. Spike stifled a groan.  
  
"Buffy, love, what are you doing?" He whispered, so as not to wake Dawn.  
  
"What do you think I'm doing?" She asked back in a seductive whisper.  
  
Spike flipped her over so that she was underneath him.  
  
"I think you're proving me right about my thoughts that you don't have a soul."  
  
He then got up and led her out of the room, and she shifted out of vamp face as they reached the steps.  
  
"Where're we going?" She asked.  
  
"We're going to see if we can fix you."  
  
"I don't need fixed. And I'm hungry." She said this just as they reached the kitchen, where her friends were all staring at her in shock.  
  
"Hello, sweethearts." She said in a slow drawl, a smirk creeping upon her features.  
  
"Buffy?" Xander could barely make out the words, but it was more than anyone else was doing. Giles was sitting there with a defeated look about him, and everyone else was just gaping at her through tear-stained eyes.  
  
"That's what they call me." She said cheerily.  
  
Spike looked at her, still not letting go of her hand.  
  
"I'm not going to run off. But I am hungry. And not for a pina coloda, either." Buffy said, smirking at the bleached-blonde.  
  
Spike grimaced and let go of her hand, making his way over to the fridge. As he got out a package of blood, he looked back at her with a weary gaze.  
  
Buffy pouted her lip. " Oh, don't be that way, Spikey. You know it wasn't your fault." She then turned her expression to a malicious grin. "Just one more time that you weren't enough, couldn't save me."  
  
Spike spun fully around and slammed her up against the wall, oblivious to their audience.  
  
"Be thankful you don't have a soul, or I would've ripped your throat out for that." Contrary to his outward appearance, inside, Spike was thinking about the very thing she had suggested.  
  
"Don't pretend, baby. I read you like an open book." She then slammed her lips against his, her tongue forcing its' way inside his mouth.  
  
After about 5 seconds, Spike realized what they were doing and pushed her away from him.  
  
"I will NOT be your escape. I can read you to, you know. Even without your soul, you have so much pain and disgust in yourself. Pretend all you want. But do NOT use me."  
  
With that, Spike stormed out of the room.  
  
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A/N: Please review. I need to know what you think. Lots of love,  
  
Andi 


	3. Part 3

Part 3  
  
A/N: I want to thank everyone for the great reviews so far, but it's only 3 o'clock in the morning, and I'm too tired to do it personally. Thank you, again,  
  
Andi  
  
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Buffy stood up straighter and looked over in the direction Spike had left, her head quirked in curiosity. She then looked over at the Scoobies and smiled.  
  
"Good golly gosh! You look like you've seen a ghost!" She quipped.  
  
Giles was the first to stand up, as Xander had miraculously fallen back into the clutches of semi-catatonia.  
  
He came up to her and slowly raised a hand to her face, which Buffy caught and pushed back down.  
  
"Nuh-uh. No touchy. If you want to know something about me just ask. God- Well rather NOT if you know what I mean-But what is it with you guys and touching me? Ever since I came back you've all been manhandling me like you're trying to reassure yourselves that I'm real. Well I AM. So you can all quit with the pseudo-cuddling." She spat, grabbing the bag of blood and then walking out the door in the direction she had seen Spike go.  
  
"No soul," squeaked Willow.  
  
Xander put his arm around her and started rocking her back and forth as she cried into his shoulder, tears streaming down his own face as well.  
  
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"Spike?" Dawn asked groggily as soon as she saw that there was an absence of bodies in the bed.  
  
"Right here, Nibblet." He said from the corner of the room.  
  
"Where is she?" She asked, worried.  
  
"Probably looking for me."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Don't worry, 'Bit, she's not going to leave. She may not have a soul, but I don't think she could force herself to drink human blood from a non-dead body." He walked over and lay down next to her, putting his hands over his eyes and rubbing them tiredly.  
  
A loud sigh broke through the din hanging over the room, and they both looked over to the doorway to see Buffy standing there.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry. It's not like I have an owner's manual here. Without the soul it's like I've lost my spell-check. Words pop out of my mouth before I even think. And aren't you not 'sposed to care what you say if you're lacking in the instant-brood department? Shouldn't I be ripping all of your throats out or something?" During her small speech, she had begun to go into hysterics, small tears forming at the corners of her eyes.  
  
Spike got up and dragged her over to the bed. "Get some sleep. We'll research your semi-conscience in the morning."  
  
As he lay down beside her, she curled up in a little ball and reached out to take his hand, seemingly not noticing the other body settled against her. Dawn sat up and looked over her now-undead sister and brushed the hair out of her face.  
  
"I love you, Buffy, vampire or not." She said softly.  
  
Buffy looked up at her and smiled sadly. "Love you too, Dawnie."  
  
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The next morning, the phone rang in the kitchen. Giles picked it up.  
  
"Hello?" He said.  
  
"Hi, this is Robin Wood, I was just wondering if Buffy was coming in today."  
  
Giles sighed. "No, she isn't. She's dead."  
  
From the other end of the line came only silence, and then the nearly inaudible "What?"  
  
"She has been turned. I really must be going, but no, I don't think Buffy will be going to work anymore. Good-day." With that, he hung up the phone.  
  
.....................................................  
  
Buffy was standing in the foyer about half a foot away from a large patch of sunlight when Willow came up beside her.  
  
"It doesn't like me, Wills. Thinks I'm evil. It mocks me." She said sadly.  
  
"I'm so sorry. I can never-"  
  
"Everyone's always sorry. Can't you see that this isn't your fault? This is just the God-damned twisted minds of whoever up there controls destiny." She cut Willow off. Suddenly she let out a strangled laugh. "Don't they think I've been put through enough?"  
  
Buffy put her head down on Willow's shoulder and sniffled. "I don't have a soul, dammit, I shouldn't have to feel this way!"  
  
Willow kissed the top of her head and said, "Maybe you're just too good of a person to lose all of your soul. Maybe your soul is YOU, and without at least part of it, you'd be nothing."  
  
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and said, "I'm going back upstairs. Gotta find a way to get all of these feelings out of me. 'Cuz, really, to live with only half of a soul for all your life? It can really drive a person schitzo."  
  
Willow patted her on the shoulder and pulled away. Buffy smiled at her. "Thanks for, you know, being you. I appreciate that." She then walked back up the stairs and into her room.  
  
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Willow walked into the kitchen just as Xander was talking to Giles.  
  
"-Don't know what we're going to do. Should we stake her? I couldn't do it. I just; she's so much like our Buffy, and so not. She doesn't have a soul, but she does." Xander trailed off, not knowing what to say.  
  
"She's scared." Willow said. The two men looked over at her with confused looks.  
  
"She's scared." She repeated. "Scared and confused and feeling unwanted. She doesn't know her strength; her weaknesses define her as something she should kill, and she's feeling alone. And we're not making it any better."  
  
Giles looked over at her and said, "I know. And I don't think any of us could stake her, even if she started killing."  
  
Xander just sighed and put his head down on the island. "What are we going to do?"  
  
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A/N: Hmmm. What shall happen? Review and find out. 


	4. Part 4

Part 4  
  
Thanks again for the reviews. I'd be overjoyed, but it seems that I have a problem being happy when I'm exhausted. Staying up since 3 o'clock A.M. can do that to a person. Lots of love,  
  
Andi  
  
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"So, Watcher. What's with Buffy and her soul status?" Spike said, as they had been researching all morning and Giles had just closed the book he was reading.  
  
"Well, I believe that since Buffy is already derived from the 'dark,' so to speak, and since she has overcome that beckoning into evil already, even without a soul it is very hard for her not to be at least somewhat good. She just has a small lack of conscience that is making her less tact, and the bloodlust of course, and the option of turning to evil is now a plausible scenario, even if she won't take it. Other than that, and the tendency to shy away from sunlight, stakes, and holy items, she is primarily the same Buffy as before." Giles concluded.  
  
Willow, Spike, Xander, and Dawn nodded at him with falsified understanding, while the potentials, Buffy, Anya, and Andrew just gaped at him.  
  
"Sure, I guess that's understan-" Started Willow, but Buffy cut her off with, "Mind telling us that in English, Jeeves?"  
  
Everyone turned to give her a reprimanding look except for Anya, who said, "I agree with the insulting one." Buffy shot her a glare. "What?" Anya asked, "You are!"  
  
Buffy just rolled her eyes. At that, Spike came around the table and led Buffy into the living room.  
  
"Could you be MORE rude?" He asked sarcastically.  
  
"Could I care LESS?" She countered back.  
  
"Just because you don't have a soul does NOT give you the right to send all of your friends into hysterics!"  
  
"Oh, like you were such a gentleman without your soul." Spike just knocked her upside the head and went back into the dining room.  
  
With Buffy alone in the living room, she went into a trance-like state. Suddenly, her mother appeared in front of her.  
  
"He does have a point, you know. You should either try to be nice or don't be nice at all, but don't keep floundering about in the middle."  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
"What is it, dear? Surprised to see me? Oh, come now, it isn't THAT shocking that you would see me."  
  
"You're not her."  
  
"No, I guess I'm not, am I? Hmmm. I suppose this means I should get straight to the point. You have no soul. You can be evil if you want. Just give in to the darkness, dear. It'd be so much easier. You could be happy." The first disguised as Joyce trailed off with that and turned to look Buffy in the eye. "Well?"  
  
Buffy gave her a pondering look, and then walked right through the apparition saying, "It didn't work last year, and it won't work now."  
  
Buffy was already back in the dining room, but she heard the First saying, "All's fair in love and war, dear."  
  
.....................................................  
  
The day passed by mostly peaceful, apart from the scared glances derived from the potentials, of which Buffy and Spike were rapidly getting tired.  
  
"Would you stop staring at me like I'm some kind of ex-ax murderer or something?!" At this, Spike smirked at her. He was liking this new Buffy even more, if possible, than the old. She was loose-mouthed and witty, and he had even thought that he saw her smile when Andrew had blown up the pop corn in the microwave.  
  
The SIT's scattered, all afraid to look at her and invoke the hot-tempered demon that was Buffy. At that, Spike came over to Buffy and nodded his head upstairs, and then walked towards the second floor. Buffy gladly followed.  
  
Once they reached Buffy's door, Spike stopped and turned. Buffy looked at him and smirked. "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, the answer's yes." With that, Spike crashed his lips over hers and led her into the room, shutting the door behind them.  
  
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"Does anyone want to go see what that noise is that's coming from upstairs?" Xander asked. They had all gathered in the kitchen, and were now randomly talking and trying to avoid the sadness that threatened to overwhelm them. Their friend, no matter how like the old she was, had been overtaken by a demon.  
  
Still, they were carrying on. And at Xanders' statement, all of the girls, including the SIT's, turned to him shocked and shouted, "NO!"  
  
"OK, OK, I was just asking. What's got you all riled up?"  
  
Anya looked at Xander indignantly. "Xander, for Gods' sake, use your brain! They're having sex!"  
  
Xander then turned to Anya, his face taking on a stance of shock. "Oh, God, I really didn't need to know that."  
  
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1 Hour Later  
  
Buffy and Spike lay on the bed staring at each other. Spike took her hand and smiled. "You know, I think you're showing me more respect now than you did when you had a soul, pet."  
  
"All in the trust. I trust you not to pull me under, 'cuz I already am. I'm not sure if I can love you, or even if I can love at all, but I'm willing to try." She then giggled, and gave Spike a chaste kiss.  
  
"But really," she said in mock sternness, "we should go back downstairs. Anya's probably turned all of Casa del Summers beet red with her talk of how many orgasms we just got." Spike smirked.  
  
"Yep, we should go." Spike trailed off and kissed her again, this time deepening it and not breaking off.  
  
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A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, I love them. And apparently I hate cinnamon gum (Sorry, totally off topic, I know. But I've been eating 'em for the past 3 hours and frankly, I'm sick of them.). Anyways, plz review! Lots of love,  
  
Andi 


	5. Part 5

Part 5  
  
A/N: Oooh! I love you guys! Thank you for posting more review. And this happens about an hour after the last chapter. Trust me, nothing happened. Except smut. But I don't write smut. Please don't hate me.  
  
~Andi~  
  
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Buffy and Spike walked down the steps and into the now darkened kitchen, where all of the Scooby gang was still residing. Anya gave them a dirty look.  
  
"God, you are SO rude. You get to go and have sex, but everyone else is stuck down here decidedly NOT. It's really not fair."  
  
Buffy smirked, Spike hung his head to hide his smirk, and the rest of the people started blushing furiously.  
  
"So sorry, Anya. It'll happen again. My advice? Invest in earplugs."  
  
At that point, Spike burst out laughing, and then looked up to see Willow's reprimanding look, and stopped.  
  
"Sorry, Red, but you've gotta admit, she hasn't been this happy in a long time." Willow rolled her eyes, but a smile made it's way upon on her face.  
  
"God, I'm hungry," Buffy said as she walked over to the fridge. She then turned around in game face holding out some blood and said to Spike, "Want some?"  
  
There was a din of silence surrounding the kitchen, but then Dawn clambered out of her chair and walked over to Buffy with a curious look on her face. Dawn traced the ridges on her face and said, "You're still her, aren't you?" It was posed more as a statement than a question, and Buffy smiled and nodded.  
  
Spike walked up behind Dawn and held out his hand for a packet of blood, which Buffy gave to him. Spike then kissed both Buffy and Dawn on the cheek, and dragged Buffy out to the living room with him.  
  
"You're OK with this?" Xander asked Dawn, who looked over at him and nodded her head.  
  
Xander gave her a sad smile. "Well, then I guess I can be too." He then walked over to her and gave her a hug.  
  
Suddenly, a scream filtered through there ears.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
.....................................................  
  
Buffy woke up in a dark cave to find herself chained to the wall. And that was about all she could think, as a horrible headache was pounding through her skull.  
  
"Oh, hello dear! I didn't know that you were up yet. But, now that you are. . . I have to lay out some ground rules." The apparition of Buffy's mother walked towards her and stood in front of her.  
  
"Most importantly, don't run away or try to be saved. That just doesn't work for me, as you should know, since you're the one who took poor William away. Also, don't be afraid to scream. This is going to hurt like hell." The First took on a malicious grin, and from a separate cavern came an uber- vamp with a very large and sharp looking knife.  
  
"Like I said, all's fair in love and war."  
  
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"I had just turned my back for one bloody minute, and when I turned back around, there were all of these uber-vamps surrounding her and one knocked her out and I couldn't get there in time and-" at that, Spike broke into sobs. Dawn quietly put her arms around him and held him there, rocking him back and forth.  
  
"Well," said Giles, "I believe that we need to get her back. And we need to keep her this time."  
  
"Maybe if she got one of those electric collars-" started Andrew, but Dawn cut him off. "She's not a dog, you idiot."  
  
"The first thing we need to do is to look around the cave where we found you. Maybe they're there again?" Willow said hopefully.  
  
"I doubt it, but it's worth a try," answered Giles.  
  
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Two hours later in the cavern, Buffy had learned three things. 1.) The First doesn't like things taken from it; 2.) The First likes to hurt people's feelings; and 3.) Hot pokers do not feel good sticking through your ribcage.  
  
Buffy had learned all of these the hard way.  
  
"I really wish you'd just give in. You have nothing to be good for. You don't have a soul, your house is over-run with teenage ninja brats, you've now got an unhealthy allergy to sunlight . . . Why do you put up with this, dear?"  
  
"Bitch!" Buffy spat.  
  
"Yes, I know. But it's not polite to disregard your elders. And I can assure you, I am so much older than you." With that, the uber-vamp smashed a fist into her jaw.  
  
"Now, would you like to try that again?"  
  
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A/N: I know, short chapter. But really, there's only so much torture I can write in one sitting before it gets really boring. But, I had to wait until the next chapter for the glorious saveage. Please review! Lots of love,  
  
Andi 


	6. Part 6

Part 6  
  
A/N: I am SO sorry I haven't gotten anything in sooner. I've been grounded. But I'm back!!! The lyrics are by Stacie Orrico from her song 'Stuck'-I know, completely unoriginal, but I just couldn't think of anything else. Here we go. . .  
  
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"Good, you're awake."  
  
Buffy looked around the cavern and saw Angelus standing against the entryway. She looked to the ceiling and rolled her eyes.  
  
"Why me?"  
  
"That's a very good question, actually. You see, I don't really know why we have to do this. You would be much less beat-up if you just gave in." He said, coming towards her.  
  
"Well, I like to think of it as an absence of salty goodness. The cons are really jacking up in your corner here. With the Scoobies, I have a warm bed, people who would do anything for me-and not just because they're scared of me-and a great lay. If memory serves, you're incorporeal, right?" She smirked.  
  
"A great lay, huh? Ta, love, didn't know I meant that much to you." Spike had come up behind the First with a knife. Buffy smirked at him.  
  
"Well, you do have some high points."  
  
"Ah, well, I do have a certain suave, don't I?" Spike said, turning towards the First whose eyes were slowly growing wide. "At least, that's what your minion of the wrinkly variety seemed to think just before I cut off his head," he said with a knowing look.  
  
"Damn!" The First then disappeared in a flash of light.  
  
Buffy turned to Spike once more, who was now cutting through her bindings. "Thank whoever up there for showing mercy on me. Do you know how BORING he was? My God, he was like a walking outdated pun! Plus, my wrists were starting to cramp up."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes and led her out into the night.  
  
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2 days and a fully recuperated slayer-vamp later. . .  
  
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I..can't get out of bed today  
  
Or get you off my mind  
  
I just can't seem to find a way  
  
To leave the love behind  
  
I ain't tripping  
  
I'm just missing you  
  
You know what I'm saying  
  
You know what I mean  
  
.....................................................  
  
Buffy and Spike had arrived at the Bronze with the rest of the gang earlier that night, proclaiming that there was no way they were going to be able to defeat the First if they were all 'mopey,' as Buffy put it. She was currently grinding against Spike to an upbeat song.  
  
Spike smirked down at her as Buffy raised her arms above her head to the sound of the music.  
  
.....................................................  
  
You've kept me hanging from a string  
  
While you make me cry  
  
I've tried to give you everything  
  
But you just give me lies  
I ain't tripping  
  
I'm just missing you  
  
You know what I'm saying  
  
You know what I mean  
  
.....................................................  
  
All of the Scoobies were watching the two with amused glances, aside from Xander, who, although OK with the vamp-Buffy deal, was still morally appalled at the show the two vampires were putting on.  
  
"I swear, if those two get any closer, they're gonna melt together like ice- cream! Oh, scary thoughts. . ." Xander said moodily.  
  
Anya raised her eyebrows at Dawn, who didn't see because Willow's hand was covering her eyes.  
  
"Wills, would you get your hand out of my face?! I'm seventeen years old for God's sake! I can handle-Willow put your hand back." Dawn said suddenly as Willow brought her hand off.  
  
Buffy and Spike were currently playing tonsil hockey-neither of whom seemed to be winning-and hands were roaming in places other than those that should be seen in public.  
  
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Every now and then when I'm all alone  
  
I'd be wishing that you would call me on the telephone  
  
Say you want me back but you never do  
  
I feel like such a fool  
  
There's nothing I can do  
  
I'm such a fool for you  
I can't take it  
  
What am I waiting for?  
  
I'm still breaking  
  
I miss you even more  
  
And I can't fake it  
  
The way I could before  
  
I hate you but I love you  
  
I can't stop thinking of you  
  
It's true, I'm stuck on you  
  
...................................................  
  
"You seem to be in a good mood today, pet." Spike said as they broke off.  
  
"What can I say, I've had good company." With that, Buffy smashed her mouth back against his.  
  
.....................................................  
  
Now loves a broken record that's been  
  
Skipping in my head  
  
I keep singing yesterday  
  
Why we have to play these games we play  
I ain't tripping  
  
I'm just missing you  
  
You know what I'm saying  
  
You know what I mean  
  
Every now and then when I'm all alone  
  
I'd be wishing that you would call me on the telephone  
  
Say you want me back but you never do  
  
I feel like such a fool  
  
.....................................................  
  
Xander took this opportunity to leave, saying "I've gotta go buy drinks. A lot of drinks. Drinks that will hopefully intoxicate me to the point of not having to watch this."  
  
Anya rolled her eyes.  
  
"God he is SUCH a wuss sometimes. How'd he ever manage to get by this long?"  
  
.....................................................  
  
I can't take it  
  
What am I waiting for?  
  
I'm still breaking  
  
I miss you even more  
  
And I can't fake it  
  
The way I could before  
  
I hate you but I love you  
  
I can't stop thinking of you  
  
It's true, I'm stuck on you  
  
Every now and then when I'm all alone  
  
I'd be wishing that you would call me on the telephone  
  
Say you want me back but you never do  
  
I feel like such a fool  
  
There's nothing I can do  
  
I'm such a fool for you  
  
.....................................................  
  
Buffy swayed her hips against Spike once more and slid her hands along his back.  
  
"Did you ever think the First would be that stupid? I mean, seriously, hiding me in the same-"  
  
Spike broke her off with another searing kiss.  
  
.....................................................  
  
I can't take it  
  
What am I waiting for?  
  
I'm still breaking  
  
I miss you even more  
  
And I can't fake it  
  
The way I could before  
  
I hate you but I love you  
  
I can't stop thinking of you  
  
I hate you but I love you  
  
I can't stop thinking of you  
  
Don't know what to do  
  
I'm stuck on you  
  
.....................................................  
  
The song ended and the couple made their way back to their seats.  
  
"Now THAT's what I call entertainment." Said Anya.  
  
.....................................................  
  
A/N: Not the end. Lot's of love. Hope you liked. Sorry, I am now completely unable to make big words. SWAK,  
  
Andi 


	7. Part 7

Part 7  
  
A/N: I know that nothing has been posted for a while, and I'm very sorry for that. My muse had just about dried up on this story, and then 'BAM!' I got new inspiration. Also, I realized that this story is really just a PG- 13, and I was completely in the wrong. My bad. . .  
  
.....................................................  
  
". . . of being lonely, is this the feeling I need to walk with, tell me why I can't be there where you are. . ."  
  
Buffy was singing in a slightly off-key voice when Spike came into their room.  
  
"Buffy, love, why are you dancing around in your underwear?"  
  
Buffy looked up at Spike and grinned. "Makes for a lot of interesting conversation topics."  
  
Spike picked her up and swung her around, putting a hard kiss on her mouth when he put her back on the floor.  
  
"Come on, ducks. Rupes says he found a way to explain your semi-soul."  
  
Buffy scowled, but proceeded to get her clothes on.  
  
"Why do we have to do this right now? I was having fun."  
  
Spike looked up from where he was looking to see if he could get away with smashing the poofy tape without her noticing to see her pouting at him.  
  
"Hey, don't you want to know why your all conscience like?"  
  
Buffy tried her best to look uninterested.  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"Well, I guess."  
  
Buffy took Spike's hand and led him down the stairs.  
  
"Oh, hello Buffy, I'm glad you came down. I've been meaning to tell you what my theory is on your soul."  
  
Giles patted the seat next to him in way of telling her to sit down.  
  
"So, what's the what?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Well, the Chinese believe that people have ten souls, three of which are important; one goes to the grave, one in the ancestral tablet, and one goes to heaven. It is my belief that as you're the slayer, your primal instincts are to do good, as opposed to normal humans, whose primal instincts are to sin. So, the soul that most humans lose when they are turned is the one that goes to heaven, so that it may not be tarnished, while your soul that should have gone to heaven remained intact. Of course, I cannot be certain, but. . ."  
  
Giles looked over at Buffy to find her snoring lightly with her head laid on the arm of the chair.  
  
"Do you think she heard any of it?" Giles asked Spike, still looking at Buffy.  
  
"Not a word."  
  
.....................................................  
  
"Wake up, sleepy head. . ."  
  
Buffy batted away the intrusive hand in her face while doing a half- whimper/half-growl.  
  
"Buffy. . ."  
  
"Whaa. . ." Buffy replied, her eyes still closed.  
  
"BUFFY!!!"  
  
"What, what, GOD MY EAR HURTS!"  
  
Buffy looked over at the mean person who had yelled in her hearing-enhanced ears to see Dawn.  
  
"Oh, you will PAY!" She screamed.  
  
Dawn ran off in the other direction and hid behind Spike as Buffy stalked over to them.  
  
"Do. You. Know. How. Loud. You. Were?" Buffy started in a monotonous tone.  
  
"DO YOU?!"  
  
Buffy was fuming with rage, so much in fact that her eyes had turned a fierce gold.  
  
"Jeese, talk about overreacting. . ." Dawn whimpered.  
  
"YOU NEARLY BROKE MY EARDRUM!"  
  
Buffy was cut off by Spike slapping her hard across the face.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?!" He asked.  
  
Buffy shook her head confusedly.  
  
"What- what happened?"  
  
Dawn walked up to her and took Buffy's face in her hands.  
  
"That's what I was about to ask you."  
  
.....................................................  
  
"The last thing I remembered was falling asleep to Giles' lecture- Sorry about that- and then Spike's hand was whipped across my face- And may I say OW."  
  
Buffy was relaying the story in front of the Scooby gang, who had gathered around at Spike's request.  
  
"You should have seen her, mate. She looked like she was ready to hang Dawn's intestines to the ceiling." Spike interjected.  
  
Xander's eyes opened wide. "OK, I so didn't need that imagery!"  
  
Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"The point is, we need to figure out what happened. If I'm not around if she goes off like this again, ten to one, someone's going to be a few organs lighter in the morning."  
  
Now Giles looked at Spike with fear. "Yes, ahem, quite. I-I will be sure to look into that."  
  
Buffy looked up at Giles.  
  
"Is there any ice-cream left in the fridge?"  
  
.....................................................  
  
A/N: Hope you liked! Plz review, it sustains my creative energy. Lots of love,  
  
Andi 


	8. Part 8

Part 8  
  
A/N: Again, I am SO sorry for not getting this out to you sooner. I think I'm going to wrap this up pretty soon. . . But not to worry! There will be a sequel (If you ask. . .) Plz review!  
  
Andi  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
"So, Rona wants chocolate, Kennedy and Molly want vanilla, Willow wants strawberry, Spike, sweetie, what flavor did Giles want?"  
  
Buffy and Spike were at the grocery store to pick up ice-cream for a last minute 'Happy Day.'   
  
Spike looked at her and smiled at the affectionate nick-name.  
  
"Mint chocolate chip, love."  
  
Buffy gathered the last ice-cream box from the freezer compartment and put it in the shopping cart.  
  
"Next stop: Hostess!"  
  
"I don't see HOW you lot can eat those horrible things. They taste like rubber!"  
  
Buffy made a look of mock hurt and slapped Spike upside the head.  
  
"Meanie. I'll have you know that Hostess is an essential part of a balanced diet." She said defiantly.  
  
"And which diet is that, pet? The 'Ten Best Ways to Clog your Arteries'?"  
  
Buffy humphed and strode off with her nose in the air.  
  
"Oh, come on, love, you know I was just teasing. . ."  
  
Buffy blatantly ignored him and kept walking.  
  
"I'll let you have your wicked way with me. . ."  
  
Buffy kept on walking and said, "What's new with that?"  
  
"We can buy an extra bottle of chocolate sauce, just for us. . ."  
  
Buffy spun around with a wicked grin on her face.  
  
"You better make that two."  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
"Giles, step away from the books. Buffy will be back any minute!"  
  
Willow was desperately trying to get Giles to help her with the dishes from dinner, but to no avail.  
  
"I'm sorry, Willow, I must keep working though! I think I've found a way to defeat the First, but I have to make sure. . ."  
  
"You found a way to defeat the First?! Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped! 'Cuz, you know, that's me! Research girl Extraordinaire!"  
  
Giles looked up at her with an unamused look.  
  
"Oh, fine, I'll go finish the dishes. . ."  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
Buffy and Spike came home to find Willow and Giles yelling at each other.  
  
"No! I messed up, I know that! But it's my fault she's back, and DAMMIT, she's going back there someday!"  
  
"Willow, I don't want this either, but it's the ONLY way! Don't you think I've looked?"  
  
"Well LOOK HARDER!"   
  
"Willow, you made a mistake, and these are just the consequences! I'm NOT saying it's all your fault! But these are just the things that must be done!"  
  
"Giles, I-"  
  
She was cut off abruptly by a wavering voice.  
  
"Go back where? Where am I not going to go back to?"  
  
Willow and Giles looked over to see an ashen faced Buffy standing in the doorway.  
  
"TELL ME!"  
  
Spike looked to be in a state of barely holding his rage. He wasn't letting out a word, but his face said that he knew quite clearly where Buffy wouldn't be going back to.  
  
"Buffy, it seems that your being back has caused an imbalance, so to speak. I-I've looked for any other possible way, a-and I couldn't find any. . ."  
  
"Get on with it, watcher." Spike seethed.  
  
"It seems that we must forfeit the soul that belongs in heaven- the one that's with you now- to Hell, so that the balance can be restored and the First can be defeated. It cannot go back to Heaven, because a soul is only allowed in it once, since it shouldn't be taken out. If it goes to hell, it will be seen as if the soul never existed, and the world shall be righted again. Buffy, I'm so sorr-"  
  
"Save it."  
  
Buffy turned away with a stoic look on her face and walked quietly up to her room.  
  
"I warned you, Red, magic ALWAYS has consequences."  
  
Willow shrank away from the rage shown on his face as Spike turned and followed Buffy up the stairs.  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
Spike found Buffy sitting on the bed and stairing out into the night through the large window.  
  
"Love, I-"  
  
"I want you to make a promise to me." Buffy cut him off with an eerily calm voice.  
  
Spike looked at her with confusion and fear.  
  
"Anything."  
  
Buffy took his hand in hers as he sat down beside her, still looking out the picture window.  
  
"I want you to promise me that you'll stake me once I lose my soul. I can't live-unlive on this earth knowing that I'm an evil creature, that I'd be going against my entire being. And liking it."  
  
Tears that had formed on both of their faces now fell freely to the comforter.  
  
"Promise me."  
  
"I promise."  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
A/N: Ok, more to come! Just a fair warning, this story will end with big tears, but the sequel (If you want it. . .) will have the happy ending I know you all crave. Until then, plz review!  
  
Love you all,  
  
Andi 


	9. Part 9

Part 9  
  
A/N: This will be the last part of this story, but if you still want a sequel, I'll give it to you. I'm sorry this has taken so long, I've been busy, and my muse for this took ANOTHER vacation. Sheesh, she better not think she's getting pay for that. . . Ok, I'm done with the pointless non-humor. Song is 'Only Hope' by Mandy Moore. Did anyone else see 'A walk to remember'? I swear, the first time I watched it I bawled my eyes out, and the book was even worse. Also, I don't know Latin, so please forgive me on the spell-stuff. Songs are in-between ~~~, memories are in-between ***. Plz review! Lots of love,  
  
Andi  
  
..........................................................................................................................................  
  
The Scoobies were all standing around the dining room table, waiting for Buffy and Spike to come downstairs.   
  
Giles had not yet told the others of what Buffy had to do, but as soon as she came down, he was going to. He didn't think she would be able to. But then, she had always surprised him, hadn't she?  
  
Soft foot-steps sounded from the stairs as the vampires came towards the dining room.  
  
Giles stood up as they came into the room. Buffy suddenly came over to him and wrapped him in a tight hug as tears streamed down both of their faces.  
  
"What's with the tears, Buff?" Asked Xander.  
  
*Sniff* "There's som-something I have t-to tell you. . ."  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn came up behind her. Buffy turned around and smiled through her tears.   
  
"Dawnie. . . I'm so sorry. . . I didn't want it to be like this."  
  
Dawn's eyes grew large as Buffy spoke.  
  
"We found a way to defeat the First."  
  
Everyone, aside from Giles, Willow, Buffy, and Spike let out sighs of relief, but that relief quickly evaporated as Buffy spoke again.  
  
"I have to give-up my soul. And. . . I'm not going to stay alive without it. I-I asked Spike to stake me once the ritual's done."  
  
No one said a word. They all just stared speechlessly at both Buffy and Spike.  
  
The eerie hush was broken as Kennedy bounded through the room.  
  
"Has anyone seen my sleeping bag? I swear, it was here earli- What's with all the long faces?"  
  
Spike turned his icy glare onto the cheery SIT. "Leave. Now."  
  
Kennedy turned on a face of compliant annoyance. "OK, sheesh, what's his problem," she said as she walked out of the room.  
  
"You're leaving."  
  
Buffy turned to her sister and bit her lip. "Dawnie, it has to be done. . ."  
  
"You're leaving. Again." Dawn's face held her confusion and grief out for all to see.  
  
Buffy kneeled down in front of her sister and smiled. "I'll always be here, with you. Just like mom is, just like Goldie is."  
  
"I had Goldie for one week before he wound up in the toilette bowl. You're my SISTER! You're my only family left, aside from dad, and we both know how much THAT counts."  
  
Buffy looked at her sister with defiance. "Now, we both know that's not true. Everyone in this room is your family. They love you endlessly, and would do anything for you. So don't say that I'm your only family left."  
  
Dawn dropped down in front of Buffy and wrapped her arms around her.  
  
"I don't want to lose you again."  
  
Buffy kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry."  
  
She got up and left the dining room, silently beckoning Willow to come with her.  
  
Once they got up to Buffy's room, she turned to the witch with a determined face.  
  
"Take care of her. For me?"  
  
Willow nodded. "Of course."  
  
************************************************************************  
  
~~~  
  
There's a song that inside of my soul.   
  
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again.   
  
I'm awake in the infinite cold,   
  
but you sing to me over and over and over again.   
  
~~~  
  
Everyone stood in a circle around the seal, Buffy standing right over it.  
  
"Mother Moon, goddess of the night, I summon thee."  
  
Willow chanted the spell to the sacrificing of Buffy's soul. A small, glowing light began to form over Buffy's chest.  
  
~~~  
  
So I lay my head back down,   
  
and I lift my hands and pray   
  
to be only yours   
  
I pray to be only yours.   
  
I know now you're my   
  
only hope.   
  
~~~  
  
"Bringeth the balance, restore the light."  
  
Dawn glanced nervously at Buffy, who mouthed to her 'I love you'.  
  
~~~  
  
Sing to me the song of the stars.   
  
Of your galaxy dancing and   
  
laughing and laughing again.   
  
When it feels like my dreams  
  
are so far,   
  
sing to me of the plans   
  
that you have for me over again.   
  
~~~  
  
Buffy had said her good-bye's to everyone in the group, waiting until the end to speak to Spike.  
  
***  
  
"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, how I felt. . ."  
  
He kissed her softly and sighed.  
  
"S'alright, Love. I'm just thankful you told me."  
  
She looked up with tears in her eyes once more.  
  
"I love you. Please, protect them."  
  
"'Til the end of the world."  
  
***  
  
~~~  
  
So I lay my head back down,   
  
and I lift my hands and pray   
  
to be only yours   
  
I pray to be only yours.   
  
I know now you're my only hope.   
  
~~~  
  
"We give you the soul of the bringer of light in return for the restoration. So mote it be."  
  
The light that had grown to fully incompass the former-slayer flashed blindly, and then it disappeared.  
  
Spike drew out a stake and threw it.  
  
~~~  
  
I give you my destiny.   
  
I'm giving you all of me.   
  
I want your symphony.   
  
Singing in all that I am.   
  
At the top of my lungs,   
  
I'm giving it back.   
  
~~~  
  
Buffy exploded into a cloud of dust, but no tears were shed as they walked silently up the stairs, waiting to see if the spell had worked.  
  
~~~  
  
So I lay my head back down,   
  
and I lift my hands and pray  
  
to be only yours I pray   
  
to be only yours.   
  
~~~  
  
"Did it work?" Dawn looked furtively over to the faint-looking witch.  
  
Willow reached out with all her senses and suddenly gasped.  
  
"I feel it! I feel. . . The balance, it's back!"  
  
Everyone drew up sad smiles.  
  
Spike looked up and said quietly, "It's what she wanted."  
  
Dawn came over and wrapped her arms around him while he rocked her silently.  
  
~~~  
  
I know now, you're my  
  
Only hope.  
  
~~~  
  
~The End~ 


End file.
